Why AP Lang Multiple Choice is...

Stupid. Yes, AP Lang Multiple Choice Questions are very stupid as well as pointless. What is the purpose of these questions? According to CollegeBoard

"An AP course in English Language and Composition engages students in becoming

skilled readers of prose written in a variety of rhetorical contexts, and in becoming

skilled writers who compose for a variety of purposes."

Ok, I get the writing part of their description since AP Lang has definitely changed my writing for the better and the "skilled reader" concept is pretty plausible. In fact, we do so much contextualization you could call "rhetorical analysis" and "finding the meaning" a profession in our class. So, what's the problem?

The problem is how CollegeBoard is testing us is utter HOGWASH. The prompts that they provide to test our reading ability are quite frankly... BAD WRITING. These texts are unnecessarily ambiguous, which almost always diverts the reader to some nonsensical conclusion. Why would you not specify the subject of your writing? Is it so that you can have the reader spend ten minutes trying to figure out what you're trying to say or maybe have them come to ten different possible conclusions? If so, you are right on the mark because when you constantly refer to your subject as "they" it really does not get your point across since we don't know what you are referring too! Sure, ambiguity is great. Shakespeare does it all the time and he's one of the most renowned writers to all time. Unlike Shakespeare, these texts are ambiguous for really no reason. That's great that you have a duty to serve as Prime Minister (as in one of the prompts), but why do you need to be so ambiguous about it? At least Shakespeare had a reason...

In all honesty, it's similar to trying to decode a five year old's writing about his dog when all it says is "He likes to play in the green grass when the sun is out."

This is the usual reaction:

WHO IS "HE"? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

What we really should be asking is:

WHY DOES THIS MATTER? IF THE AUTHOR WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO NOT HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT HE/SHE WAS WRITING, WHY ARE WE TRYING TO READ AND ANALYZE IT?

Yes, reading comprehension is CRUCIAL to our education and I fully support that. But when everything is said and done, reading comprehension skills only are necessary to a certain extent. Why would you read a text that only talks about meadows when it's actually about Native Americans? There's a very definite line between comprehending writings that actually MEAN SOMETHING and then just comprehending writings that have minimal, if any, significance. Sure, you can criticize me by saying that every piece of writing has significance! But alas, some writings are just not worth reading and certainly not worth analyzing.

If I handed a paper to any of my teachers that didn't have a clear and evident meaning or purpose, they would rip it up to shreds with their deathly red felt tip pens with messages that say "what are you trying to say?" or "be more clear" and probably a big, fat "F" on the side. How fun!

So CollegeBoard, get some more meaningful prompts we can actually analyze instead of those pieces of garbage you call literature. Let's face it. They definitely aren't worth our time or your time for that matter. Furthermore, if English is not black and white, but different shades of grey, then please tell me why you are trying to make each question have only one definite answer. Your methods of testing our reading and writing abilities are in constant contradiction with the very nature of the English Language!